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INTRODUCING
OUR NEW DIRECTOR OF MARKETING!
AND HAS HE GOT A DEAL FOR YOU!!!! Yeah. Whatever. Just listen
and shut up. THEY COULDN'T SELL COFFEE IN STARBUCKS!!! But they got this friend and he's got a friend and that friend says to me, Vinnie, go help them. It wasn't exactly like an offer I couldn't refuse but close enough 'cause when my friend Noodles Cavatelli talks, I listen. And so would you if you want to keep your fingers attached to your hands. Hah? So here I am and I'm in charge from now on. And I'm taking names. And I know where you live. If you're gonna buy, you buy from me. And if you got any complaints.... STICK 'EM. Anyway, I thought I was gonna be able to sell guns and useful stuff that assassins need but the pinheads don't want to do that. So what am I gonna sell? Books? For crying out loud, I don't know nothing about books. (Bookselling that is. I know something about bookmaking.) So I have a problem, see? But to the rescue comes my cousin Ernie in Hackensack. Now, Ernie's kind of stupid but he don't let no grass grow under his feet. Anyway, Ernie finds this box of tee-shirts that falls off a truck, see? And he says, Vinnie, you can sell these shirts. I say, Ernie, I got more shirts than I know what to do with....nice ones like Tony Soprano wears. But Ernie says these can be special 'cause he knows this art guy and so what he does, he has this guy draw this picture and stuff and put it on the shirts and now you can buy one. Right here. From your old friend, Vinnie. Me. The Marketing Director. The friend of Noodles Cavatelli who I hope you never have to meet. YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF NOW BY BUYING A SHIRT! Now, I don't know nothing about undershirts with sleeves but Ernie in Hackensack tells me these are good white shirts, 100 percent cotton and they got a color logo of those two guys in the books on the front. And on the back it says House of Sinanju or something. I think that's a building in Italy. They come in sizes like small and medium and large and extra-large and double large. I'm waiting for a triple large to fall off the truck so I can give it to my old lady. (Don't say it. Don't even think it.) Anyway, I want to make a big success of this thing 'cause Noodles Cavatelli is watching, so I can let you have these shirts for $14.95 each (S,M,L) ...$15.95 if you're so big (XL) you can't fit into a regular size, and $16.95 if you're stupid big (XXL). AND I'LL PAY THE POSTAGE!
Does it get any better than that? You can be the first one in your social club to have a House of Sinanju tee shirt with those Destroyer guys drawing on it and let me say it again, only $14.95. (Or $15.95/$16.95 for some of you.) And when you put it on, I know you're gonna say, Vinnie, you're okay. So you want to order? You
better want to order. Order.
Do it right here, right now.
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